I went, despite being fully aware of this article by Rabbi Francis Nataf of the Cardozo Academy. When that article was first published I truly agreed with it. It resonated with me, partly because I don't like being told what to do. Especially without being convinced that it's the right thing to do, for reasons that I appreciate as good and true reasons. I'm stubborn that way.I would add to the reasons that would seem to be against going to Avot uBanim: the real age that boys are expected to start going with their fathers is age 5; there's no Avot uBanot for fathers and daughters to study together, which is clearly rotten; I'm afraid of the bad influence that my son will get from the rowdy synagogue boys who obviously aren't growing up with the kind of discipline that I grew up with. You know, Israelis.
So why did I go yesterday? A few reasons.
- Believe it or not, there's actually a language barrier between me and my son. I mostly speak English and he speaks Hebrew. I want to make it normal for us to sit and study something together one-on-one before he gets old enough to think there's a problem.
- He can already learn the aleph-beth, and and his gan (preschool) is not taking care of that. That's what we spent the hour doing (using the slightly weird book illustrated above).
- Finally, and perhaps the cinching argument: whatever school he goes to is going to require weekly attendance at Avot uBanim as part of his homework, and he will be made to feel extremely left out among his peers if he doesn't attend, when the time comes.
The younger, idealistic side of me is looking at my 2009 counterpart and accusing me of caving in.
Still, looking again at Rabbi Nataf's article, I can't say that he is wrong. I can't say that I'm wrong for doing this, either.
Rabbi Nataf's principle objection seems to be that our society is imbalanced if it needs to set up a special programme to help us fulfil a certain, basic obligation. To which I respond: guilty as charged.
In the Orthodox community, having a movement for parents to learn Torah with their children is like having a movement for the observance of Shabbat. Could we imagine organizations that would provide incentives and creative avenues to encourage observing Shabbat among the Orthodox? The existence of such incentives would symbolize nothing less than a lack of intrinsic motivation to keep that particular mitzvah. If such a scenario seems completely unthinkable, we need to ask ourselves why the need for the promotion of intergenerational study is not equally ludicrous.
And now that I've been deep in this society for six-plus years, my opinion is that this society is so phenomenally clueless about many aspects of just about every specific mitsvah, that yeah, a special programme for each one of them would not be out of order. The "obligation" of Avot uBanim looks just as rational to me now as does the "obligation" of special congresses on Shabbat observance and all kinds of wonderful other mitsvot that are streamlined, minimised, or downright neglected.
To end on a good note, though, I discovered a new practical benefit of Avot uBanim: to teach him things they are likely not to teach him in school. Assuming I'll have all my ducks in a row and will be giving him the proper father-son time on a regular basis (as well as the father-daughter time that I equally owe), maybe this is how he'll begin to learn to read English, too. Maybe I can spark an interest with him for history, geography, astronomy, and art. As he gets older: algebra, and how to read the codes on the side of a transistor or a schematic diagram. Maybe the after-Shabbat Avot uBanim hours (in the winter, when the days are shorter) is where we'll build our first crystal radio set together (or at least, learn the theory behind it). These ideas come from just a moment's worth of brainstorming, and as I rub my hands together in anticipation, a smile is on my face.
I don't like being told what to do.
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